Miranda’s Gary is still the devil, writing eulogies is the worst, and finding people to join your crazy writing group is the best… Here’s some different things I’ve been thinking a lot about this past month. Maybe there’s something here to interest you too?
EULOGIES, PAINFUL AND DRAINING
Very sadly this past month, I wrote my first eulogy. It was as easy as you’d expect – I didn’t know how to start, I’d have to stop regularly because of all the tears, I worried the entire time if I was saying the right things, if I’d missed important milestones or life events. It was painful and draining.
As I came to realise, nothing that can be said in a few words will ever come close to reflecting the vitality and soul of a living being who loved and was loved. All you can hope to do is clarify what you believe to have been the truth of their impact on you and the world. What about them made you smile, what about them made others look up to them and love them as you did? What was it that they excelled at, what was it they enjoyed, whose lives did they touch and in what ways? What about them stands out above all else when you consider how they led their life? When you think of their spirit, what is it that you hope for them now that they are gone from you forever?
Ugh. See? Painful and draining.
Anyway, it got me thinking about how much I would have loved for my uncle to actually hear what I had to say, and to hear all the funny and moving and loving stories that his friends and family shared about him at his wake. It struck me how wasteful it was to have left all these words until after his death. I know funerals are for the living, but shouldn’t eulogies be too?
There are others who, when they eventually pass on and should I still be around, I will be asked to commemorate. I wondered, while writing this first eulogy, whether I should then compose eulogies for all the dearest people in my life. Not for their funerals, but to share with them now, in life, while they can still hear the words and know how much I love them, how much they matter. But the truth is, I’m writing this right now through tears because even the thought of those I love leaving me so definitively hurts so much. Even in life, eulogies are what they are – a heartfelt yet shattering reminder of what is or what will be lost, and so… yeah. Painful and draining…
LUCIFER (BUT ACTUALLY GARY)
This month has been really tough (see above) and I’ve found myself super scattered – I’m missing deadlines, I can’t think straight about basic actions, I’m really, really in need of a drink most nights. I’ll be okay, I know, and the worst thing I can do is fight against feeling all my feelings right now. So it seems somewhat vulgar to jump to this but – life, hey?
The Netflix series Lucifer has been a lifeline of sorts the last couple of weeks. I am mid-binge – thinking of it constantly when I am not actually watching it, and funnily enough, it has nothing to do with any musings on the afterlife. Why then? Because this show is so, so, so incredibly silly. A supernatural police procedural that is wildly unbelievable not because of it’s reliance on celestial beings but it’s complete disregard for the reality of its own reality in a million little ways that never cease to make me groan. The way anyone can just catch a lift straight into Lucifer’s living room because apparently the richest man in town doesn’t seem to know a locksmith, the way anyone, and I mean anyone, can wander directly into the police station’s forensics lab to have a bit of a snoop through the evidence, the way the interrogation rooms look slicker than a nightclub toilet, the way everyone carries on about doing things by the book until the plot demands otherwise… Not that I care – I love it. I am hooked. Because as stupid as I know it is, it is addictive, it is compelling, and it has Gary. You know him as Tom Ellis, the actor who plays Lucifer Morningstar. But to me, and any other Miranda fans out there, it’s Gary. And my goodness, hasn’t Gary done well for himself? Such fun!
I’m so in awe of what Hollywood can do to people. Tom Ellis was always an attractive guy and solid performer, but gees Louise, look at him now in the role and performance of a lifetime. Not to belittle Ellis in anyway whatsoever, but my lord – it’s the haircut, clothes, personal trainer and Hollywood lighting that are the true miracles in this show. And thankfully, we all win. This ridiculous, brilliant series is exactly what I need right now, and I’m very, very grateful. Love ya work, Gaz.
PILOT CLUB 2021
To cut a long story short, I set up a writing group this year (I wrote about why last post). This is a focussed writing group, goal driven, for people like me who really wanted to develop their own TV show and get a pilot script written. And so Pilot Club is born. There are six of us, all with our own project, all of us using the group as a multipurpose springboard, creative support group and, most importantly, personal writer’s room.
I’m not sure how much I want to tell you about it just yet as it’s still in its infancy, but I do want to say this – don’t you LOVE IT when people you think a lot of say yes to your crazy ideas? It’s delicious. Not to say that a committed writing group is the most outlandish proposal (clearly far from it) but it’s still a big ask when what you’re suggesting is a regimented long-term commitment, and there’s always going to be a part of me that’s terrified people will say no (and mock and laugh and ridicule my shamelessness lol). But so far, it’s working great! Everyone I asked said yes – woo hoo! – and we’ve agreed to meet very regularly. We’re all holding each other accountable, the projects are all surprisingly different yet thematically travelling in similar directions, and I really, really hope it proves fruitful in time.
We had our third meet up last night, and it was great to hear one of our team express how the process of thinking so much about another person’s project actually helps him see his own work in new ways. I couldn’t agree more. I’m so pleased and excited to have found a group of people who are all as interested and keen as I am about this whole writing malarkey, and I love being in love with other people’s work. When you know how isolating and personal writing can be, it’s so reassuring to be with people who not only understand that, but are willing to share their thoughts, and creative worlds, with you.
Stay safe x